Five Things I'm Afraid To Tell You
Being a therapist that blogs and posts on social media is weird. You put yourself out there all the time, but also try to maintain some sense of privacy and hiding. Here are five things I’ve wanted to post about/ blog about that I have shied away from for various reasons.
I’ve been putting myself out there on social media more. This means I’ve been getting more praise which feels awesome…and also more negative feedback, which feels hard. I’d like to say I don’t care about the negative comments/feedback I’ve gotten, but I do. I am a human just like you. A very sensitive one at that. Usually any negative comment I will think about for hours, feel terrible that I’ve hurt someone, and think about how I can change things in the future. Part of what’s so hard about this is that I am unable to have an in person conversation with people who interact with us on social media. I am all about having face-to-face conversations, even if they are uncomfortable. But I am left with emojis to try to communicate via social media and it is 100% not adequate.
I definitely appreciate the negative feedback though and view it as a place for me to learn and grow. I’m also learning that my message will never resonate with everyone. Our business of counseling people in Denver on the non-diet approach and eating disorder recovery is a tricky one. We are all different based on our individual experiences we’ve had in our life. I can’t possibly know what everyone has gone through or is currently going through.
While I am ecstatic I am pregnant, I am scared shitless. And I also don’t feel like I am allowed to feel this way because we went through so much to get pregnant (two IVF cycles). I am scared to raise a person in our messed up society. I worry that I will not be a good mom, whatever that even means. I am scared that my son will inherit the massive amount of mental illness that runs in my family (please universe let him be more like my partner). I am also scared that I will not be able to balance running a business, which is my passion, and having a child at the same time.
I’ve also been reading about this so called thing called “balance” and it seems like nobody really has it figured out, and that’s okay. So I’m telling myself what I’ve always told myself; it will feel uncomfortable, and that’s okay.
Lately I have felt so connected to my clients in a way I don’t think I’ve felt before. The sessions I’ve been having with them have felt so incredibly raw, transformative, and vulnerable. This makes me love my job more than I ever had. It also makes me feel sad to be leaving for maternity leave. I know my clients will be fine without me (and really who am I to think they won’t be without me!) and I want to take off time to bond with our child, but there is a part of me that just feels sad about it. I’m trying to allow that to be there without judging it and create some space for it.
Corrie and I are killing it in our new business, and there’s a part of me that thinks we are not allowed to celebrate our success because we should “stay humble.” Honestly I want to scream, “go us!” We are working so hard to make something of our business and have it reach more parts of the country, and it is working. I almost feel like I just screwed us by saying that because now I’ve jinxed our success ;-) But I always tell my clients they have to celebrate their successes and grieve their losses, so this is my attempt to take my own advice.
I have been so into cooking lately I want to start blogging and posting more about it. I am not a gourmet cook by ANY stretch of the imagination, so I feel like nobody would care about this. There are a million and one food bloggers out there who do this for their job. I just like food and don’t like to spend a lot of time on it and maybe other people feel similar? Also, I thought maybe it would be helpful to see how someone does intuitive eating and cooking in real life. Let me know if this is something you all would be interested in!
And that’s a wrap! Thanks for reading and letting me be authentic in this space <3